I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
