You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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