Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
