he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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