We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
this hospital has no fireball
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize