I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
