It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
