the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What a dumb baby whore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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