the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
