a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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