omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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