I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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