So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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