just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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