just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
