Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
