he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
