i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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