Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She's the barista slut.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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