Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Im part way to drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
