if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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