too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
