C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
