eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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