ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
