oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
