tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
