apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
