no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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