its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
