I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
