If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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