I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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