Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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