i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina just clenched in fear
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
