The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
