hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Barsexuality is the new black.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
