It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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