Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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