I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
