New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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