I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
