I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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