can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You took a bar mat shot.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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