after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
