Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
