u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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