you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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