she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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