Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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