isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
