your parents love me but you hate me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
