Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
