I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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