wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
