I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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