so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
