i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
