turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she told me i tasted like america
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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