i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
