Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I supernannyed him into submission
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
