she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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