i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
