I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
