Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
