I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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