You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
