RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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