Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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