just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
