My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
