I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
