I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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