You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
