I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
