i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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