party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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