You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
