please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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