youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
