She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
