he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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