Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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