You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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