Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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