There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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