You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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