So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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