This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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