maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
