i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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