Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
