9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
