i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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