Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
