We're like a lot better than the average bears
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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