take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize