worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
