I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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