Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
