shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
