You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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