she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
