did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize