i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
