forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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